Presence of a Father

"I will not leave you orphans..." John 14:18

Strength in a man, both physically and emotionally, is one thing that is highly valued no matter what culture you were born into. It is a cherished thing when a man can overcome hardships to continue on. The common teaching of strength among fathers to their boys is to put an obstacle in their way and let them figure out how to overcome on their own. Mothers around the world appallingly say, "He'll be hurt." The response is, "He's gotta learn somehow".

I've said it myself, "He'll learn"... If he touches that hot stove enough, he may walk away with seven blistered fingers, but he'll know not to touch it anymore. The teaching is to gain strength by learning to deal with pain. And so we gain strength in ourselves to live life without need of help outside of ourselves.

I had a man tell me recently about how his father taught him. He told me that his father would sit him on top of the refrigerator and say, "Jump, I'll catch you." When he jumped, his father would move out of the way and let his son fall to the ground, saying, "He'll learn to land on his feet sooner or later."

In John 14:18, Jesus promises His disciples that He would not leave us orphans... we would not have to live this life learning the hard way, but we would have the Spirit of Truth to guide us into all truth. He goes on to describe the work of the Holy Spirit in us as the deposit that cries out "Abba, Father!"

I now have two sons, whom I am infatuated with. My oldest son, Sam, taught me this lesson: he was playing on the floor, and I was sitting on the couch above him. He was completely content with this, but I felt urged to get on the floor with him. As I sat on that floor, something like a jolt of life entered him. He brought his toy and proceeded to do the exact same thing he was doing, but now he was in Daddy's lap. Most people would say that I was "with" him while on the couch, but it wasn't until I got on the floor that I became his companion in his task. Same task either way, but one was done with the fellowship of a loving father.

In my thoughts of being a father, it always seems to come back to this: teach them about relationship with God. Jesus modeled this perfectly for us. He described His relationship with His Father in this way, "The Son can do nothing of Himself, but only what He sees the Father do, that He does."

So I wonder, why are we teaching our sons (and daughters) that there is strength in self-sufficiency? Why are we teaching them to learn through pain without a teacher? They say that pain is the best teacher - I heard a pastor de-bunk that once when he said, "Belief is the best teacher. Which is better: to learn that the stove is hot by a burned hand, or to listen to the word of a father saying, 'don't touch the stove, it will hurt you'?" Both are effective, but with the latter, there are no wounds and relationship is valued over strength.

I'm not saying we should not push our children to do difficult things and to learn how to handle pain and hardship. I'm saying that we should not leave them orphans in that moment. Rather, by being "an ever-present help in time of need" we should teach our sons and daughters the strength that comes from dependancy on the constant fellowship of the Holy Spirit, which proceeds from our Father.

In 2 Samuel David describes all the things he can do in strength because of the Lord's help. Then he says something amazing, "and your gentleness has made me great." Throughout the entire passage he describes things of battle and war and how the Lord has made him strong, fit for any battle. But then, in one verse, he tells the secret to greatness: the gentleness of a loveing Father.

There are young men overcome with fear of not measuring up as a man who need the ever-present teaching of a loving and present father. There are young men who cannot see their purpose for the overwheming bondage of lust and pornography, when a gentle word of compassion and understanding, promising a side-by-side walk through the trial, could break the shame and bondage in an instant...

"I will not leave you orphans..."

2 boys under 2, and a wife who is exhausted and in pain and still has an amazingly strong spirit... mostly directed at instructions or some sort of disgust toward me.  I'm worn thin from the constant swell of emotions in my home, reminding myself about the fruits of the Spirit that just won't cooperate with my pompous fleshly nature.

We have a 3 week old, whom we're learning to live with.  I must confess that I've never been the guy that says, "The moment I held my child in my arms was the greatest moment of my life."  I feel like all the church folks should get torches and pitchforks after me, but it takes me some time to learn to love (or should I say "like") those crying little people that seem to require know right when you're about to sit down to eat. 

At this point, I'm running thin on all this bearing with others business.  One piece of wisdom seems to be my only hope in persevering, and it is the one thing that really scrapes for all of my strength that I have left:  DON'T BE OFFENDED.  I feel like my wonderful wife has all of a sudden focused all of her post-birth trauma and negative emotion directly at my soul; like a tidal wave of disaster sweeping toward my house.

It's not meant for you; she's tired and she feels like an overworked, underpaid cow - everybody in the family wants some part of her body, and just cries and cries until she gives in (including me... you know, the post-birth abstinance... how long do we have to wait again??). 

Through all of the seemingly disrespectful comments, orders, looks, etc, lies the beginning of an epic love story.  The story of a beautiful princess trapped in a castle of thoughts and pain that she cannot escape, no matter how much I tell myself that she should be treating me differently... with more respect and honor.  I'm the man!  No, I realize I have to fight for this bride of mine; the wife of my youth.  I won her once, and I must go back there to win her heart again; to rescue her from the pains of this world and wisk her away into the soft pillow of love. 

This I know, I cannot let these thoughts against my bride, which consume my very being, continue.  They are not my thoughts, but were planted by an enemy, and I must do all in my power to rescue my true bride.  To first bring her to the forefront of my mind and heart so that I can bring the reality of those thoughts to her.  I must conform all of my thoughts and all of my words to fit the image of the beautiful wife of my youth.  She will be set free, with the Lord as my help.

 - "A man's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." Proverbs 19:11